As most of you know I lost my father to cancer on August 22nd of this year. I have been meaning to write something up here about it but have not had the ability to do so yet. Tonight feels like the right night to talk about it.
The loss of my father is more than I ever could have imagined. It’s been a few weeks and I am still having a hard time with it every day. Every night I am having dreams about him still being alive and I wake up in the morning with such assurance that he is alive and thinking how I need to call him to see how he is doing. I have even gone as far as to grab my phone to start dialing then it hits me.
I can’t call him. Not only will he not answer but at this point the number has been shut off.
Every morning I wake up in disappointment. Every morning I am reminded harshly of the reality that I will never be able to speak to my dad again nor will I be able to see him again. I will never be able to get into an argument with him over why changing bits of the Superman lore to update him for modern audiences is a good idea. Never.
Today I went to the Pacific Science center to see the King Tut exhibit (which I will post about later with pictures). The whole time I kept thinking how much my history loving father would have loved to see this. How awesome it would have been to marvel at these 3,000 year old artifacts with him and my son. What strange tid-bits he would have had to tell us along the way. What little stories he knew about Ancient Egypt that would of enhanced the experience. Then I thought, my dad never would have come to this. He would have looked at my pictures from the comfort of his easy chair and told us all his stories there. Not that he wouldn’t of wanted to go, he just you know, best laid plans of mice and men. Actually, I take that back. Had he not had cancer and become weak he might have, I don’t know. My dad did do things before the cancer. It’s just the last 8 years or so have been very hard on him and the rest of us.
After King Tut we took Kodi to go see The Dark Knight Rises in Imax. (Again, I will post more about this later, focusing on my dad for the moment). The movie was awesome. Action packed, really good story and overall a good film experience. Yet again through most of the movie I kept thinking of my dad. The man who introduced me to comics. The reason I started that online comic back in 2003. The reason I started an online comic book store with my sister back in 2001. The reason I went to Comic-Con in San Diego all those times. I wanted to talk to him about it. He is the only person I know who I would be able to talk about Talia Al Ghul what it meant to the Batman movie universe. About how they handled Robin in this movie. Again, constant reminder that this is not possible.
I really don’t want to keep dwelling on these negative things. And to be honest it’s not all negative. I’m glad I am reminded of him in a lot of different ways. Yes t is heartbreaking every morning when my mind tricks me into thinking he is alive, but I know that will pass. I know it’s only temporary. I KNOW things will get better.
They just have not yet.
And right now, things are tough.