The Battle of Bambi


Friday was a very interesting day for me. I was tired and didn’t feel well all day long. I thought I was getting sick but to alleviate that mystery now, since it is not important to our story of the day, I was not. I basically spent the entire day at work wishing I could go home and just sleep. I’m not one big on falling asleep in pubic. In fact I try almost anything and at nearly all costs to not do such a thing. That being said I fell asleep at my desk during my lunch on Friday.

I’ll skip all the boring happenings of my work day since it was lame and uneventful and I will skip down right to the part you actually want to read about. The juicy bits, the curd in the butter, the awesome in said possum.

On my drive home I decided NOT to mess with my phone and rather just focus on driving since I was tired and feeling a little out of it.

I was just minding my own business trying my best to get off the Island and back home where I could crawl in bed and sleep. Possibly watch some Smallville and finish out my night.

This was not the case.

Instead Bambi decided that Friday was a good day to die.

There I was, just driving a long and minding my own business when Grown Up Bambi comes prancing out of the woods on my left like he just banged a plethora of deer hookers, I mean nice lady deers, and uses his ass to try and stop my car.

I’m not sure if he actually died because much like the talent of nearly every pop sensation, it was gone in a flash. Bambi did do a complete front flip like a rockstar into the woods though, so that was pretty bad ass.

As you might know a deers rear end is quite tough and not at all pleasant to run into. This caused me, the cautious driver, to slam on to their breaks and do their damnedest to no swerve into on coming traffic. I quickly pulled off the road because I was still a little unsure of what happened. Like a good citizen of the Earth I pulled over to see if the Deer was there…possibly to make jerky out of. Oh, one thing I should note is that when I was swerving and screeching I left a nice white cloud of smoke like in the movies. That made me smile!

I quickly called my wife to see what I should do. I’ve never hit anything but the gym before, and even that’s been awhile. After much long debate on what to do, and her asking on whether the car was ok (not me, the car), I called 911 and relayed my story of Bambi-cide to them. Apparently a good Samaritan had already called it in. I know this because two ambulances and two cop cars showed up moments later because they where told my air bags deployed. I felt bad to disappoint them and all, but I felt better to not have an airbag break my nose.

Anyway, the cops took my info, the medics left, then the cops got a call for what I am assuming is a hostage situation at a preschool because they sped off in a blaze of glory.

The deer is still wanted for hit and run, leaving the scene of an accident assault to my vehicle. If seen please notify the Bainbridge Police. He looks a little like the deer below.

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