Poker Face – A critical analysis


We have all been mesmerized by the GaGa in some for or another. Whether it’s her music, her dancing, her increasingly strange attire or the fact that she has a penis; something inside each of us is intrigued by her allure. Love her or hate her she is super talented (much like the same way Britney Spears is talented, i.e. not at all) And don’t get all huffy with me over how she is a ‘visionary’ in the music industry and how she ‘pioneered’ this amazing whatever the hell it is, look up the name Nadir Khayat (aka RedOne). Lady GaGa is just another Dancer who sings songs written by a songwriter and takes all the credit.

That being said lets take a look at one of her greatest hits. “Poker Face” (which I like to believe is an inside BJ joke)

Lady GaGa – Poker Face .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine
Poker Face (Lady Gaga song)

Image via Wikipedia

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah
Nice, let’s set this up with some good melodic moaning. Or is the the sound of Ben Stein as a zombie?
I wanna hold em’ like they do in Texas please
Fold em’ let em’ hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after he’s been hooked I’ll play the one that’s on his heart
I’m not sure how, but I feel this is a racist joke.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
And what the hell does this have to do with poker? I wonder if that one goatee dude in the black hat ever thinks this on the World Series of poker. “I know how I’ll win! I’ll make all these bitches hot and show ’em me titties!”
Can’t read my,
Can’t read my
No he can’t read my poker face
(she’s got to love nobody)
Ok, clearly Mrs. Gaga does not understand the meaning of the term ‘poker face’. If said person CAN read your poker face, then it is just a face. Furthermore, what does her loving nobody have to do with this? That just sounds sad.
Can’t read my
Can’t read my
No he can’t read my poker face
(she’s got to love nobody)
Must I go over this again? Stupid repeating chorus.
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
I want to put in a formal request to have all lyric web-sites change this line to “P-p-p-poker face, p-p-fuck her face”. We all know that is what it sounds like she is saying. In addition I would like the radio to add a bleed there as well, this will give the song more street ‘cred. It still won’t make it any good.
I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you’re with me (I love it)
I disagree, I have fun gambling when I’m with my wife. In fact, I’m pretty sure just being around you would be a gamble and I am not convinced it would be fun. I don’t want herpes.
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
Well no shit Sherlock.
And baby when it’s love if its not rough it isn’t fun, fun
Again another blanket statement that can not be true. So you are saying unless there is physical/emotional violence love can not be fun? What about cuddling and watching a movie? Must I donkey punch you ever commercial break for you to enjoy it?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I’ll get him hot, show him what I’ve got
What about the ladies you sexist bitch, what if they want to get hot and see what you got.
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
c-c-c-can’t sing, c-c-can’t sing
(nope nope nope nope)
c-c-c-can’t sing, c-c-can’t sing
(nope nope nope nope)
I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
This is a good thing, I’m married and still don’t want the herpes.
Cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin
I’m not lying I’m just stunnin’ with my love-glue-gunning
Excuse me? What did you just say? Did you really reference the cards in your hand to your vagina? And do I really want to know what your ‘love-glue-gunning’ is? This sounds like a horrid sticky mess. Also, don’t want herpes so get your vagina off the poker table.
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I’m marvelous
Now hold up one gosh darned minute here. What is in your hand that is so marvelous? You where JUST talking about your muffin and some love-glue-gunning…are you saying your love-glued your hand to your muffin and it’s a marvelous display of craft-womanship? Honestly I’m confused, is this song about poker or innuendos for love and sex? I’m pretty sure at a real poker table they would let you BET with your vagina, but you couldn’t use it to complete a full-house or anything.
The rest of the song is the contrived chorus over and over again, which I don’t want to comment on…again. That is the problem with pop songs…you hear the chorus 10,000 times.
Well, i hope you enjoyed this little lyrical breakdown. Until next time!

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