Kauai Day 1 – Welcome to Kauai, the Garden Island. Enjoy the view. 1


    Friday night we went over to my parent’s house so the kids could spend the night and so Mike (my brother in law) could drive us to the airport at ass-fuck early to catch out plan to Los Angeles so we could wait two hours and then catch a plan to Kauai, Hawaii. For some reason we thought it would be a fantastical idea to have all the kids sleep in my parent’s spare bedroom with us and watch a movie (Disney’s Peter Pan if you were curious) and hope they would sleep, we would sleep prior to the flight and be all nice and rested.

Well, that is not exactly what happened. What happened was Kaylie and Kodi fell asleep on the bed while Jakob and Saidey decided they would just play all night long. This of course meant that I was up all night long trying to get them to sleep. I fell asleep for about 20 minutes only to wake up to Saidey outside of the room, in the living room playing with her princess house at midnight. I put her in bed then went and slept on the couch for maybe 45 minutes then it was time to get up and get ready to head to the airport. This meant I needed to wake Kaylie up, and it was 1:25 am, which for Kaylie is not an hour she willingly wakes up…for anything.

Hours without sleep count: 18

An hour and a half later we were at the airport, got our boarding passes and then proceeded to wait 3 hours until our flight. Nothing really exciting happened while waiting at SeaTac, in fact at this point I can’t really think of anything that happened while waiting there…or what we did at all. Damn. Well, anyway we got on the plan and Kaylie’s flight anxiety kicked in, but she/we handled it well. Only really took effect on the way takeoff and landing.

Hours without sleep count: 20

We sat next to this dude who looked like Jeremy Piven/Kevin James. I know this is an odd combination, but that’s what he looked and acted like. He was pretty cool dude about everything. He sat there and watched the movie Hannah on his phone (which he had connected to a portable harddrive). Kaylie and I started to watch Bad Teacher but at the scene where the titties come on the screen Kaylie got embarrassed and accidentally closed it off the tablet. We decided to watch Friends with Benefits with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. Funny as hell movie by the way! Justin Timberlake is a riot, and Mila Kunis..hot and funny! I may talk more about that movie later, but for now let’s stick to the trip, shall we?

Hours without sleep count: 25

While sitting and waiting for our connection at LAX I went and got Kaylie and myself some Burger King (which is twice as much as a regular Burger King in Seattle!) while she got Star Bucks (which is terrible anywhere you get it) and found us a seat to wait. While I was sitting at a table in said Burger King Kaylie called

“John, where are you?”

“I’m at a table eating, waiting for you. Where are you?”

“Sitting at the terminal. They just announced our flight is overbooked”

“Shit, what does that mean for us?”

Our seats where already far away from each other. Mine in 34c hers in 13c.

“They are asking for volunteers to give up their seats, take a later flight tonight and they give you a $500 flight voucher”

“Hmm… Interesting. I’m on my way over”

    Kaylie called her mom to see if it was a good idea, which she said do whatever you want.

“I think we should” I told her “Then, we have free tickets to Vegas or Nashville when I turn 30!”

“yeah, this is true” I knew she wanted to, but I also knew she wanted to just GET to Hawaii, as did I.

“ok, I’m going to go volunteer us”

So I walked over to the counter and said I wanted to volunteer for the vouchers, she took my name and my boarding passes and told me NOT to board the plane and IF they needed me at the end they would let me know. The whole wait time Kaylie and I kept bouncing back and forth on if this was a good idea or not. Half of us really wanted that free flight money, the other just to get to Hawaii and start the debauchery.

The plane finished loading so we walked over to the counter.

“I think we are going to use you guys, give me a moment” said the friendly counter lady. She had curly blondish hair and glasses on that I really don’t think she needed because he never really seemed to use them.

“Ok, sounds good!” I tell her back. Trying to stay positive on my one and a half hours of sleep for the last 2 days.

They kept talking about a wheelchair lady and if she was going to make it or not and finally she looked at us and just said “Ok you two, I’m getting you on this plane, but I’ve got you some real nice seats!”

Nice seats indeed. She had put us in first class! The seats where not next to each other, but still FIRST CLASS! I had asked the guy who was sitting next to me if he wouldn’t mind trading with Kaylie so we could sit next to each other. He agreed, on the condition I would buy him a beer. I agreed, because I was going to get myself a beer as well. We got settled into our seats, I got a mimosa and Kaylie got some orange juice. I took a sip of my awesomely free mimosa, buckled up only to have this very nice gentleman named Mr. Davis walk up.

“Are you the volunteers?” Mr. Davis said to us.

“Yes…what’s up?” I responded to him, nervous we were in trouble.

“I’m so sorry but the lady whose seat you are in showed up…we need to give it to her.” He said as sincerely and apologetic as I think he could.

“So…you want us to get off the plane?”

“yes, I’m so sorry you guys”

We did the walk of shame off the plane like we were terrorist being arrested for trying to hijack the plane. I seriously felt stupid by this, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. We went up to the counter and they started seeing what they could do for us. We ended up still getting bumped to the 6:10pm flight (it was 10:30am at this point) and we each for a $500 flight voucher for a future flight and $24 in airport food. Awesome, right? The only downside was we where not stuck at LAX for 8 hours with fuck all to do.

Hours without sleep count: 29

We walked by this fancy looking room with Star Trek doors. They whisked open and we whisked inside. $100 later we were living it up as temporary members of the Admiral’s Club. 30,000 square feet of what an airport SHOULD be. Showers. Open bar. TV Room. Business center with computers. Wi-Fi. Massage chairs. Open bar. Kids room. Open Bar. Relaxation chairs with Bose headphones. Did I mention open bar? We did this because 8 hours in an airport is unbearable and as soon as they said showers, I was sold. You see I had been awake for about 30 hours and had no shower. I smelled great. This made the next flight so much more enjoyable. Though I do have to say that Kaylie and I in our sweat pants and t-shirts stood out like a sore thumb in this club full of business men and women.

After our amazing shower *cough* we got some food. It was…meh. But it was also free. So was my beer. We ate, drank then went to the TV room which was a quiet place that was semi dark. I looked up why my iBeats by Dre did not work with my LG Thrill and Kaylie passed out in the Tinker Bell blanket that we borrowed from my sister. Yes, she is 35 with a Tinker Bell blanket. College football was on and I watched almost the entire GA Tech vs Miami game. Not to much of a football fan, but I have to say I did enjoy it to some degree. I also decided that football commentary is almost completely worthless. It tells you nearly NOTHING about the game. It’s like being at a movie and someone telling you the plot as you are watching it. You want to hit them and tell them to shut the fuck up. I attempted to sleep at this point, but failed and just watched football.

Hours without sleep count: 36

The plane to Kauai was nice. We sat in the emergency row which gave us a lot more leg room, but I was on the window so my shoulder was SMASHED the fuck against the door. We ended up sitting next to this really nice lady named Michelle. She was a former flight attendant and now works for an international company doing risk management. We started talking to her, warning her of Kaylie’s special needs.

“Sorry, my wife here is a bit of a nervous flyer” I told her, trying to warn her of what to expect.

“That’s ok, I'[m generally awesome and this will be easy to handle. Here are some tips I learned in my 7 months of being a flight attendant” Ok Ok, that’s not what she said, but I’m summing up what my take on it was. I don’t mean this in a she was callus and mean way, just that she was awesome. She was super cool and chill. Like I would like her to be a friend of the wives and I kind of cool.

The coolest part was her friend was a pilot and ridding up in the cockpit, so this meant she got treated REALLY well. So well that we all got free mimosa’s with extra bottles of champagne to make them extra awesome. She was so sweet, prior to the knowledge that they would be free I attempted to pay for them and she told me no, she had it. I like free shit and all but I’m more than capable of paying for my alcohol. I was greatful, said thank you then the flight attendant didn’t make her pay and gave us extras. As I said, AWESOME.

We bought an audio splitter that let’s us plug up to 5 headphones into one jack, so she watched Friends with Benefits
and Bad Teacher with us, laughing at all the bad jokes. The former was funnier than the later, but still both where good.

Best like out of Bas Teacher?

“Honey, I hope you’re hard because I’m going to suck your dick like I’m mad at it!”

Then we landed in Kauai, Hawaii, called Trish and Kamren and they picked us up and whisked us away to our 2 bedroom suit on the beach. At this point it was nearly 10pm. I was tired. I starting writing this post, then went to bed to get ready for an awesome day.

Hours without sleep count: 42

*note: All pictures taken by me. I’m so artistic.


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