karma sutra 4


I WANT REVIEWS ON THIS PLEASE COMMENT

Excerpt from Memoirs

The last line came out incredibly fast. The speed you say things when you really don’t want people to hear them. Although she did hear it, she heard it extremely clearly, as if I had written it on a computer in size 42 in Tahoma font. I knew she had heard it, I could tell by the feeling I was getting from her. The feeling you get when you make a revelation. A revelation similar to the one you get when you are searching your parents room, your dad’s side of course, and find the unlabeled tape you just had to watch.
Of course you are into your complete jerk it mode, ignoring what your parents tell you about masturbation. Ignoring the t-shirt you saw reading ‘every time you masturbate, god kills a kitten. Please, think of the kittens’. “Fuck the Kittens” is all you think to yourself. You are going to get your jerk on, like you always do when you get home from school and nobody is there but the dog, and shit he might join in if its any good, you never know.
You put the tape in. You sit down. Paper towels to your right. Water to you left, in case you get dehydrated. Remote in your left hand, cock in your right. With your left hand you bring your finger up to the play button and press it. This is where you realize you forgot to turn the TV on. Scrambling to get turned on, since you don’t want to miss anything you leap out of the chair, forgetting your pants are around your ankles and fall flat on your face.
You cock never leaves your hand since you are in the zone. You get the TV turned on and start the stroke since you know you have missed the start and you want to catch up a little bit. You hear the familiar noises of the videos you are accustomed to, the moaning, the “yeah that’s it, take it bitch” sweet-talking the elegant men on the videos do. This is where you fall to your back, fuck the towel you think, let it flow, this tape was hard to find, it must be the good stuff. This is where the picture on the tape comes visible to you on the screen. Your heart drops, but not in a good way. Something you never wanted to see, your father mounting your mother in a position that would make the Kama Sutra proud.


Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

4 thoughts on “karma sutra

  • ldps454

    Funny that you wrote that post this morning… I re-read your Kama Sutra, which was included in the story I read a few months ago. Because we are both in the early stages of writing, I feel like I can give you a few constructive critisms, take them or leave them.
    I think you have put a lot of work into the passage. It, however, seems a little random. Authors who do this kind of inner dialog well work it into a story so that it seems raw but natural. Its the thought process that goes through a young (or old I guess) mans head, slightly pornographic, but giving a real insight into this person. Your transition into this scene is not well developed. I remember reading your story and all of sudden I was reading about masterbation and peoples moms. You should build up to this a little better. Later in your story, the character is getting off by watching a girl undress, unknown to her, and it bridges this scene a little, but the build up to this scene is not well stated.
    That said, the content is basically good. Graphic sexuality can serve a story well, but it has to have its place and serve some kind of purpose aside from shock value. In the beginning of the story when you are first introducing your character, you should build up that raw aspect of his personality better. Excuse me for sounding like and English instructor, but what would someone who has these thoughts about masterbation talk like? How would they mentally relate to women? What are their motivations?
    As with most drafts, there are also some sentences that dont make sense gramatically and that kind of thing. But it is basically pretty cool.
    So thats my advice take it or leave it. If it helps then cool, if you think it is a load of shit, well thats fine too. Let me know how it comes along.
    Adios,
    Laura