“why the hell are we awake?” my mind says to me in a groggy voice in dire need of caffeine.
“well Brain, it’s because we have this job that we have to go to at 6am 5 times a week. It helps pay the bills and allows us to live in somewhat comfort.” I respond, trying hard not to allow Brain to force me back into a sleep while at my desk.
“That is such bullshit! I want to rest! I’m the brain and without me fully rested you are DOOMED to make/do/say retarded things all day long!” Brain says in a sleep yell.
“Oh stop it. I’m awake enough to get work done and that’s all the matters. We will go to bed early tonight, I promise!” I plead to him to not force me into sleep.
“OW! What the hell was that for, Brain!” I scream while clutching my just smashed into a keyboard head, trying not to pull to much attention from my co-workers.
“To prove that I’m in control here. You bend at my will, and I want sleep!” a coy smirk would be on his face, if he had one.
“Look Brain, I don’t like this anymore than you do. Sadly we don’t have any options here…”
“He could walk out” Brain interrupts.
“Any options that do not involve getting in trouble with my boss!” I retort.
Brain is silent for awhile. At first I think I have finally subdued the beast and can finally get to work. Slowly over the next 45 minutes I start to feel this gradual and slow decline into the land of dreams. I close my eyes to blink only to open them and 5 minutes have passed. I sit up, stretch, start talking to myself. Pulling every little trick I can think of to help me stay awake.
“Awww, looks like someone is getting tired!” Brain finally speaks. He is the (obvious) on behind all this sleepiness happenings.
“What are you doing! I’m trying to work here! I can no be passing out for five minutes here five minutes there! KNOCK IT OFF!” I scream at him, out loud. Some of my co-workers take notice and chuckle to them selves.
“NO! You cannot make me! I just want to sleep and I will get it dammit!”
I am silent. Fifteen minutes pass and I’m fighting all the urges to sleep that Brain is throw at me. It’s like the battle scene of Dumbledoor and Voldemort in Harry Potter, only I’m not sure which side I am.
“That is IT! I’ve had it with you Brain! I’m going to do something I should have done a long time ago!”
“You can’t hurt me without hurting yourself smart boy! Go on! give me everything you’ve GOT!”
“Oh I’m not planning on hurting you…I’m planning on just the opposite!”
“Asian hookers? cause that would be the opposite to me. Asian hookers, let’s do some of those.”
“What? No! shut up, we are married!”
“You know why I like Asian hookers? cause you can always get on more in your bed cause they so little! HEYOOO!!!”
“I’d punch you if there wasn’t a skull in the way.”
While Brain was busy on his little tirade I took to creating the anti-sleep brain. I tilt my head back and down the cup…
“What? What are you doing?!? Is that…is that…COFFEE?? You know what happens when you give me coffee! I wanted sleeeeeeeeeeep!!!!!” Brain cries out in defeat.
I finish the cup and start to pour another, then finish it. Smiling at myself I check to make sure Brain is ok.
“Brain? How are you doing up there?”
“Wide awake and not getting the sleep I wanted, no thanks to you” Brain says very irritated.
“Well, do you even care about sleeping anymore?”
“hmm…well…I guess I don’t. Now I’m vibrant and awake, ready to tackle the day!” cheerfully said by Brain.
“I told you, now let’s get some work done!” I say in a way that announces me the winner of this little debacle.
“Fine, you win! But when this caffeine high crashes later I will get my sleep, and you will not be able to stop it!” Brains says as he takes control back”
“Fuck, didn’t think of that. I guess in the end you will win, but the day is mine!”
“and the crash is mine. Now let’s get some Asian Hookers”
Well that was fun. I think I’ll turn it into a comic!
This does describe how I felt…well still feel this morning.