Feb 27th: The Life of J! (you know you want to read)


So…how are you? Me? Well its 1am, my beautiful wife is asleep in our comfy king size bed and I am awake talking to Kate about the time she puked all over my brand new Batman blanket and I had to throw it away. I was in a lot of pain about 2 hours ago, combinations of my current testicle condition, my back from doing an ass pile of house work and my body from just giving up. At 11:30pm I took my Cipro and a Vicodin (don’t worry it’s prescribed to me, and I only took one) and since then I haven’t been able to fall asleep.
I feel bad sitting here on the computer while my super-sexy wife is in the bed alone and I want to be in the bed with her but I’m just not in any sort of mood to sleep at the moment.

Jakob had a terrible time going to sleep tonight, I do believe it was nearly 11pm before he finally passed into the slumber land of wee-little-ones. I think it has to do with a combination of him teething and the simple fact we have been staying up at my parents house in S-To-The-Izzle-Beck for the last week and a half, so he got used to it there. But now him and Kodi are gone daddy gone into dream world; dreaming about bottles/food in his face and candy with cars respectively.

I’ve decided that I want to set up an ING Direct savings account for my family, to save money for the future. They offer a 4.5% APY, which is a lot higher then what KFCU or any other bank around here offers. There is also Emigrant Direct which offers an APY of 5.05%, only I don’t know much about them where as I’ve at least seen a lot of ING commercials. I will have to do some research. With this we can also begin to create a nest egg for when we want to buy a house. I also want to set up a Roth IRA for both Kaylie and myself, so we have some sort of retirement when we get old.

Seeing as on Thursday I will be 25, which is a good point in my life where I should start being responsible, get a good job and start living for what I can do to provide for my family, this has been on my mind. And since I am still currently job less, I need to do something to help out. I have to some degree, I have been bringing in a little bit of extra income via E-Bay, and I have a TON more items to post to bring in even more. Hell, I listed 49 items this morning and have already sold 9 of them (when I checked last) and made $81. Let me check right now to see if anymore sold…don’t change that channel. Oh, I just sold another item and am up to $91! After I spend some time tomorrow and list more by next week or the week after I should be able to bring in a good $1,000 or so in total sales…that is of course if I can keep up with my listing, emails and mailings without killing myself.

After reading that you might be wondering “Hey, what’s up with J’s balls? Why have then been the topic of conversation and all these fancy dinner parties I have been attending?” Well, let me shed some light on my testicles for you.

A few weeks ago Kaylie and woke up in the morning and my tummy-tum-tum was aching, so I asked her to rub it for me, and being the super-dee-duper wife that she is, she did. My testicles where also aching and I asked her if she would just hold them for me, because if you are a guy you know that when the balls ache, putting them in the hand of a beautiful woman always help, and gladly she did. While assisting my testicles in support she felt a hard jawbreaker like lump. Naturally this freaked us the fuck out, so we went to the ER….about 15 hours later…with my mom and sister. Why did my mom and sister go with us you ask? Well simple, we wanted to play pitch, and that takes 4 people.

So after several hours of waiting we got into see a Physicians Assistant who was all to eager to take a gander at my love box. She made me stand up so my lovelies where dangling in front of her face as she copped a feel of my…uhh balls. Alas, she could not find the lump, so my lovely wife took a turn at looking for it; this of course meant I had to concentrate very hard on baseball to avoid poking someone in the eye. Now I want to point out that she did not have me cover up my penis, she wanted the whole package. She ended the date with her finger in my butt, which I now know for certain I could never be gay…at least not with a guy who has a fingernail on my cock.

The PA determined that I had what is called ‘epididymitis’ What this means is my epididymis is inflamed. That’s this lovely little thing that’s attached to your testicle and when it’s inflamed, it’s like Greek fire (look it up on Wikipedia, it’s totally worth it).

A few days later we ended up going BACK to the ER because my left testicle had become swollen and rather large, oh and it hurt. We saw a new PA who did not stick her finger in my butt, to which I was eternally grateful. She did however have an ultrasound of my balls done, that was neat. Seeing the inside of your testicles is always fun. This time I was prescribed Cipro (and antibiotic), Ibuprofen 800 (for pain and inflammation) and Vicodin (for fun). I was also told that if I wanted this to get better and my balls to not fall off I needed to stay seated or laying down, not to lift ANYTHING and that I was on bed rest for three weeks. She also said that I shouldn’t work or go to school. So what does this mean for my current quarter of school? Well it means that I will either fail out and loose my financial aid or have to bust my fucking ass to catch up. I do believe I will pass at least one of my three classes and will get a WP in another and the third…probably fail. Fuck me in the goat ass, oh billy.

So I find out on March 6th when I go see a Urologist that will probably put me in more medical debt then I can handle, but will hopefully fix my balls so I can hurry up and get my wife pregnant.

Ok, that’s all for me tonight, thank you all for watching and we will see you next week on “In the life of J!”

~j

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