So now to you wondering eyes appears the third and final installment of the not yet epic, but still somewhat interesting tale of our trip to the east coast. Today’s story takes us from Providence, Rhode Island all the way to the magical land of Staten Island, New York. Let us catch up with our weary travelers as they reach Staten Island, New York!
“Holy crap there’s a toll bridge coming up!” says the driver to his weary and tired passenger.
“Uh oh, what ever will we do? How much money do we have? I think the sign says the toll is $4.50!” the passenger says in a panic.
“Fuck! I can only find $3.50! quick, safely remove your safety harness and go to the back of the vehicle and search our jacket pockets and back packs to find the last dollar that we need to partake in the crossing of this bridge!” the driver says in a hurry.
The passenger quickly undoes her safety harness and safely goes to the back of the van searching for that one last dollar, but to no avail.
“I can’t find it anywhere captain!” yells the passenger in a panic “What ever shall we do!?!?”
“Calm yourself my child, everything will be ok” says the driver to try and ease the nerves of his frantic crew.
The vessel of mass transit carriage pulls up to the toll both and the driver leans out to the attendant and says trying to be all smooth; “I am sorry madam, but we are from Washington state, where we have abolished the lameness and unfairness of these toll roads and where unaware that it was here. We also only have $3.50, so what can we do short of giving you head to partake in the crossing of this bridge?”
The woman in the toll booth leaned out and proceeded to bitch slap the driver for not being prepared. She also took his drivers license and registration for the rental van and told him to “pull up to the left”. Let me put a small little visual into your head of what ‘pull up to the left’ leant on this NEW YORK CITY freeway toll bridge. Imagine, if you will, ten lanes of traffic merging into four after the toll bridge. Now imagine being in the second to left most lane at the toll both and the only ‘up and to the left’ option you have is a small section in between the two lanes, so naturally you pull to there thinking that is what you meant. Now sit back in your easy chair and imagine a real life NYC police officer (with thick accent and all) coming up to your window and saying “why ar’ ye parked here’?” The nice police officer tells the driver he have to pull off up to the left where there are orange trashcan things for him to run into. The nice police officer came back to the window with an envelope and the drivers license telling him that he needed to get a money order for $6.50 and mail it in or they would come after him via his drivers license. You will be happy to note that the driver and passenger have lost all the information on how to send in the payment for the bridge toll, and they really could care less about paying it.
After this fiasco the tantamount crew of four ended up coming up to the Verasano bridge which would put them on to Staten Island, where they needed to be. If we remember back a few lines our heroes and heroines only have $3.50 between them and the Verasano has a $9.00 toll. This forces the USS J Ponykins to veer from their chosen path into the uncharted waters of South 86th street. Granted, both adult members in the car agreed the holiday lighting on South 86th street where, well breathtaking. But alas neither of them liked how the other captions piloted their vessels. Crazy piloting without using turn-ie signals or anything. On this venture into holiday-light-pilot-like-mad-people excursion into the abyss of this place neither of them wanted to be in, the caption of the vessel stops mid stream to let the co-pilot out to run to an ATM to acquire money to pay for things.
The crew of the USS J Ponykins then attempted to get back to the freeway with screaming children saying how they had to pee. The pilot spotted a small gas station for which the child could urinate all over and pulled over. The co pilot took the child into what she described as the “dirtiest bathroom she had ever been in.” Upon their vessel voyage into the waters of South 86th street they almost hit a few cars and ran over what could have either been an Asian lady or a black lady, it was hard to tell since it was dark out.
Ok readers that is where shit chapter ends, later the next chapter that will finish up the east coast trials of the crew of the USS J Ponykins!!