Aug19th: Ass To Mouth

So boy howdy do I have an eventful set of words for you all to read today! Just so you know, I am writing this as I watch Clerks II. Just rubbing it in.
Well, as some of you may or may not know the mystery girl in my recent posts is none other than a one Miss Kaylie. People at work know who she is, others probably don’t. But she is an amazing example of a female that I like very much. She has an adorable 5 month old boy named Jacob as well as she raises her little brother Kodi, who is 3. Last night (Thursday night) Kaylie, Kodi, Jakob, Barbara and I all went to play mini golf. It was fantastical! Kodi won, of course, the three year old always wins. Kaylie lost her ball in the water, but she also made a hole one on a very hard tee. It was super! Afterwards we dropped Barbara off at the apartment and we went out to visit her dad. But as Mr. Rogers would say, that’s a story for another day.
Afterwards we went on a magical bewildering journey of infinite greatness and adventurement! We went on a 151mile endangerment to parts unknown and parts uncharted by man! At one point on the trip we saw three bears on a trapeze doing back flips. It was awesome! And I don’t mean awesome in the newer rendition of the word where everything is ‘awesome’ as in “dude that t-shirt is totally awesome!’ NAIY! NAIY I SAY! It was awesome like the true meaning where you are struck back in awe and cannot breath. This next part of this I am totally going to plagiarize from a comedian that I heard once, but cannot remember the title too.
“America needs to re-learn the definition of the word awesome. You Americans lost it with the over use of the word. You have awesome hot dogs. Awesome hot dogs! Awesome is being taken back by something, to be in awe, breathless! A hot dog doesn’t do that! I can see it now, the first American to see an alien or step foot on another planet radios home. “Houston, man, this sure is awesome” “Awesome like a hot dog Johnson?” “Like a thousand hot dogs, sir”
Now that I think of it, that’s stolen from Eddie Izzard. I like stealing jokes from him, he’s funny.
Back to our story of magical bewildering journey of infinite greatness and adventurement. Well Kaylie was driving for awhile but eventually got tired so I took over somewhere out in Indianola. We drove to Kingston, Indianola, Poulsbo, Seabeck, and some other places I don’t remember. All in all it was one of my most exciting nights I’ve had recently. I very much enjoyed it.
Now here’s where the fun comes in. Well I wouldn’t call it fun. But today I get a phone call from Kaylie telling me that her boyfriend Donnie was rather pissed off. She also told me that they were no longer together. Oh, did I forget to mention that she had a boyfriend? Woops. Well she does, his name is Donnie. I’ve met him a few times, and he’s a cool guy. Given a different situation I’m pretty confident him and I could be pretty good friends. Anyway they had been having problems for awhile; I was only the topping to the cake I guess.
For the record her and I didn’t do anything besides cuddle and kiss a little bit and this was while they were on a break. So it’s not like that, stop thinking it you fucking pervert. Anyway to cut this seeming super long drawn out story to an end….her and Donnie are broken up, and in her own words “probably for good”. She wrote a bulletin about the situation which explains what happened in a little more detail, and it’s not my place to type it here. So what does this mean for her and I? Well, honestly I don’t know. All I know is that she wants time to be herself and figure things out. Her and I are going to hang out, be friends and who knows. Answers to the questions of the night, yes I do like her and have genuine feelings for her. Yes I feel responsible for her and Donnie’s break up. Yes I feel terrible about it. Yes I hope her and I blossom into more then friends, but not right away. I would like to take time to get to know her, hang out and not rush anything. And that is how I feel about that. Miss Kaylie if you are reading this, call me, let’s hang out! I’ll cook you dinner.

So it hasn’t gotten any better. After dinner tonight I have gone water poop NINE times. Four of those while I have been writing this post. Uh oh, hold on here comes another one. That makes 10. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need to see a doctor, but fuck I cannot afford one. Someone want to loan me a few g’s so I cannot die? I’m starting to get genuinely scared by this like maybe there is something very wrong with me. It’s worse now than it ever was. Now when I go to the bathroom it’s all water and brown and kind of burns. I haven’t had a solid poop in 4 days. I need to try and get insurance, win the lottery or see if Peninsula Community Health Care will take me. I’m not going to eat except for after work until I get this figured out. Because it sure is offly hard to work when you have to run to the bathroom so I guess I won’t eat at work either. I’m probably going to lose a lot of weight in the next week or so. Fuck, this will not be fun for me. Wish me luck.

i will put the next part behind a cut for you lj folks, since there are pictures.

I will leave you with this, an image totally stolen from by good friend Ninjaguydan, who incidentally writes some very funny stuff in his journal as well.


And some random artwork I did the other night while working on a much larger piece I will unveil very soon



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