Be warned, this post will be in epic proportions! The Greek gods Apollo, , Poseidon, Demeter and even Zues himself would revel in the sheer amazing power that will be unleashed within the words of this post. I cannot stress the impact this post will have enough in just these sheer introductory sentences so I will first let you marvel at the amazingness what is my drawing of a Pegasus.
If anyone can translate the writings in this drawing I will cook you dinner.
So as some of you know I am Lactose Intolerant as well as have Inflamed Bowl Syndrome, IBS and am Vitamin Deficient. I take three pills every morning and then more throughout the day when I want to eat, it’s a fun life I live. I feel like I’m fucking in my 60’s. Ok let me re-word that since it sounds like I am referring to geriatric sex. I feel like an old man with all these pills I have to take.
Anyway, let us move on to the true order of business and why I decided to bring up my bowel movements for you all to read. So before work today I took 2 healthy shits. Nothing out of the ordinary there/ I am usually good for one or two healthy dumpings before early afternoon. What makes this night of interest is what happened after I ate dinner at work. I ordered a Club sammich with a salad. Now clubs and salads have cheese. I love cheese. But cheese makes me sick so……I took a Lactaid pill thinking it would help. I also took and IBS pill just in case. Well this was at 6:30pm and I got off work at 11pm. In that four and a half hour period I preceded to have the Hershey squirts if you will. The watery discharge of chocolate milk from my puckered anus, if you will. Or even the one man’s last attempt to see what it’s like to urinate like a female….assuming that females urinated from their ass, it was brown with chunks in it and there was lettuce in it. Yes folks, you read right there was LETUCE from my sammich still green and letucie in my watery poo graveyard!
Gross you might say, but at least you didn’t have to deal with it or the insistent stomach upset-ness or the wanting to throw up while at work. After getting home from work I went two more times. That makes a total of ELVEN times dropping off little brown water shoots at the porcelain water park. Oh if you care I still feel sick and its 3:18 in the morning right now. I am hoping that I can sleep it off and feel better when I wake up.
So you all know I have been working on a super-secret-kick-some-ass project that I will be unveiling VERY SOON….in fact I think I will post this and then get back to work on it, assuming I don’t need to shit 5 more times tonight.
I end this update with this (I think it is fitting):