I don’t want to be single this Christmas.
Does anyone want to be my pity girlfriend just for the holidays?
All you have to do is have lots of pity sex with me and buy me Christmas gifts.
In return I will have lots of pity sex with you and buy you Christmas gifts.
Relationship will terminate on the New Year, so this is only a season position.
(No Men, unless you are Dylan, Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis, Johnny Depp or Calvin and possibly Ryan Reynolds.)
I’m going to work on Memoirs of a Suicide now, be back soon.
So I just got a nice prank call with the classic ‘what pounds are the balls’ visage. When you give a weight they respond with something like ‘damn man how do you walk?’ and as always I responded with “well, with a bit of a stager, but you get used to it after awhile.” I was on the phone with this guy for about 10 minutes being my ever so clever self. All I know is I entertained him and his friends and myself and wasted some precious time as well as wake myself up a little. I love crank calls here, they are so fun.
Also, I’m pretty sure Barbara (the annoying janitor from my last post) is mad at me since she has been a bitch to me most of the night. She was all nice and cheery when she came in, but when I made it abundantly clear that I was NOT joking last night when I told her to leave the desk and me alone and go do some fucking work, she has turned sour towards me. Honestly, I do not give a flying fuck if she is bitchy to me as long as she leaves me the fuck alone. Mainly because yesterday when I was desperately trying to get homework finished and to stupid for a test I had last night she kept deliberately interrupting me, talking to me, closing my math book, closing the cover to my Iriver, putting things on top of my math book so I couldn’t read it and just generally not shutting the fuck up when asked to. I really hate the fact that I write about her here, because honestly she isn’t worth the time, but I use this journal to vent, and to share and what kind of host would I be if I didn’t give you juicy gossip from my work place?
Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex is on Cartoon Network right not and it’s really making me want to buy the DVDs and watch it. It looks really fucking good. Excellent animation, looks like it has a good story, good voice acting. It’s enough o make me wet. You know what else makes me wet? Girls who like Batman and Superman, more so if they like Batman and show it, but Superman works too. Actually, any girl in any sort of comic book, shirt or sweatshirt or any kind will do. This includes Nightmare Before Christmas, Lord of the Rings and anything really nerdy.
Man I really don’t feel like doing a god damned thing right now. Nothing. Not even typing this. It’s taking all I have to sit here and type this, and why you ask am I typing this? To stay awake. I figure if I keep myself busy with typing I will be able to stay awake for my last three hours. So I will tell you about a few of the things that happened here at this wonderful establishment.
Tyrone was doing his walk through the parking and comes across a guy in a car who looks like he is asleep. So T-dawg walks over to the car window to knock on t and wake him up to let him know that he can not be sleeping in the parking lot when all of a sudden this blonde head pops up from the crotch region of the ‘sleeping’ individual. They both look at T-dawg and say “Oh, sorry!” in the gayest voice you could possibly imagine. Yes, both parties where make in this parking lot love encounter. I would have laughed just as hard if one was a female, but since one was a male and Tyrone reacted how he did, I think it actually makes it slightly funnier.
Next tale I will tell you is about this black rubber circle thing that was left at the front desk for the janitor’s vacuum (which of course they never picked up and put on). Mel (the lady who does accounting here) comes in, grabs it and looks at me and says “What’s this for eh?” Obviously insinuating something sexual, IE a cock ring. I looked at her and said “What do you think?” and winked slyly. Re-reading that it was a lot funnier if you where here.
Also the kitchen is out of French vanilla creamer and this made me cry inside. I wept like a baby taken from the teat of his mother. I had to use ‘Irish Cream’ shudder… then I used Hazelnut… shudder again.
I just saw on the news that some fag waiting in line in Redmond since Friday to get an Xbox 360. Jesus Fuck Stick. Granted I want one, but seriously, that guy needs to be castrated so he doesn’t breed. Also they said there is one selling on ebay for $2,200 and one for $1,700. GET A FUCKING LIFE PEOPLE. Are you so wasteful with your money you would pay $2G’s for something you could jus be patient for and buy for $400 in a few months? Is it really that important to play it now rather then a month from now? You should all be shot.
I wish there was a Tivo for life so I could just fast forward through work and get to where I’m going to be sleeping.
I think I will end this post with letting you know that I took a big fatty shit here at work that took about 10 minutes.