09/30/07 – End of September 4


ME=IRRITATED

08:09:34 PM
And I don’t really have a reason why…well let me rephrase that…I can’t think of one reason why…

 

I’m not sure why I was so irritated earlier. (it’s now 10:59:44 PM). Alot of things where going on and I got overwhelmed.

This has been happening alot lately.

To much stress.

So much on my mind and no place to send it.

 

I went to church today. It was both good and bad. I liked being there, but I disliked it at the same time. Im so affraid to tell my wife my views on god…I havn’t really talked to anyone about my views. Probably because I’m just scared, like a little girl.

I remember this one time I was on a trip with my dad, driving to Spokane or Walla Walla or something. We where on our say to a bowling tournament. We spent about 3 hours talking about religion and god. I will always remember this conversation, because it’s the only time my father and I have talked about the subject. I learned that my dad and I have simular views, though some of his are more church centric.

 

On any account, it’s a moment of my dad, and my religious views, that I will never forget.

Sometimes I feel I’m to jadded to have faith in anything. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. Maybe it’s good to be numb to the world sometimes…when the world throws shit at you over and over again.

I think given my current situation…I need to be able to let thigns go and not let myslef explode and bottle…it’s hurting…well..everyone. I need to learn to open….fuck it.

 

~jhorsley3


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