09/28/07 – Fucking Depressed… 2


So Kaylie is pretty upset with things letely. Not to air our personal business over the internet, but you all care? Right? Her and I are both taking these blows pretty hard. It’s like being in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson (in his prime) and they ring the bell while you are facing the crowd staring at some large breasted blonde. They already put you at a disadvantage, but this just isn’t fair.

She is taking it harder then I am…not cause I care less, but because Kodi has been in her life for 5 years and only in mine for a little over a year. I love him very much, like my own child so I can only imagine how hard it is for her.

She comes to me and asks me these questions that I can not answer and I feel bad because I want to be able to give her all the right answers and make things better…but this is something that I can’t back better…no matter how hard I try…

She doesn’t see me cry, I don’t let her. I want her to beleive I’m strong and I can protect her and our family. Only in reality I’m just as powerless as she is, more-so infact. I am weak in this turmoil, I am nothing in it. I am not even a guardian to him in the ocurts eyes…I am nothing more then some guy the guardian married. I am not ok with that.

 

Kodi has been calling me ‘Dad’ for 8 months now. A term he came and asked ME if he could call me. No one ever pressured him to say it, no one ever pushed him to it. This amazing little 4 year old (at the time) came to the conclusion that his mommy (yes, who is really his half-sister. but he has known as his only mother for his whole life) got married then that person becomes like a dad to you. I take care of him, I love him, I give him everything I can to make sure he knows he is loved. Yes, I am strict and stern on him. I don’t let him get away with things, but he knows that no matter what I still love and care for him and want NOTHING but good things for him.

I’m not going to go into much more detail about the case right now, because I am sure I will talk about it a whole lot more in the next few months. Maybe I’ll write a fucking book about it.

The last thing I will say is don’t expect me to give a shit about your problems right now. I’m not trying to be mean, but my wife and I are going through something we can’t describe. Neither her nor I have the time, the will power or the effort to deal with anyone elses shit.

That being said, I’m not saying ‘fuck off’ to everyone, nor am I saying I do not wish to talk to you. I am just saying lets talk, lets hang out, but don’t bother me with your DRAMA because I will be to busy bothering you with mine. And yes, mine is more important then yours, regardless of wether your dad just died or not.

Again, I’m not being cold hearted. Just honest.

~jhorsley3


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2 thoughts on “09/28/07 – Fucking Depressed…

  • krystalfaye

    J, even though I can't be there to help and support your family physically, know that I am always hoping for better things for you and the ones you love and you are in my heart . I know I'm being cheesy, but I really want the best for you, you've been one of the best friends I've ever had, and you deserve better and I hope for Kodi to be returned to his rightful family asap.<333333